Three Things Which Should Exist

1. Court jester for a court of law: The best way to lighten up the legal process. An opening defense statement is accompanied by a lively jig on the lute. The joker juggles colorful balls in the face of a sobbing murder witness. Objections are followed by puns and punchlines until, eventually, the judge slams his gavel down and yells, "Order! Get that clown out of here!"

2. Formal football: An American favorite adapted for the upper class viewer. The familiar grass field is surrounded by candlelit dinners. Grunts from sweaty linebackers accompany chatter about investments. Live chamber music is punctuated with the clash of helmets and heavy flesh, followed in turn by polite golf claps.

3. Noah's Ark Combo: Inspired by the turducken, this legendary meal of biblical proportions is designed for the biggest eaters on the planet. One of each kind of animal is stuffed inside one another, like a colossal matryoska doll -- recursively, deliciously.

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